Day 22: I am Thankful for the Lord's Guiding Hand in My Life

Looking back on my life it has been an interesting ride with many twists and turns that I would never have expected or planned for but the Lord knew best and has given me opportunities to grow and develop talents that I otherwise would have never gained. A couple experiences stand out in my mind. At the age of 14 I got a very strong desire to serve a mission and very badly wanted to go to Russia. I don't know why, but I was just drawn to Russia. I really wanted to serve a mission and so when I was nearing the age of 21 and not married I just knew I was going to go. Two of my best friends Kristin and Raya were also preparing to go on missions. One night I was talking to my dad on the phone and he asked me if I had prayed about going on a mission. I told him that I had not but I just knew I was supposed to go. It was a righteous desire and why wouldn't the Lord want me to go. I had been preparing myself for the last 7 years spiritually and financially to go and now was the time. After I talked with my dad I knew I should pray about it and it was the strangest thing. As soon as I prayed about it that strong desire to serve was gone. I no longer even thought about a mission which was weird because that's all I had thought about it. I knew it was not the time in my life to go and as I saw my two friends leave on their missions I got very depressed. They were going to do what I had longed to do. I knew that a mission would help me grow closer to my Savior, it would help me be more outgoing, a better spouse, you name it I wanted it. I wanted all of those blessings. It was a really hard time for me but then one day my friend Connie called me up and told me about an opportunity to do an internship in the Romanian orphanages and it fulfilled some requirements for my major. Romania was in Eastern Europe, close to Russia so I was totally intrigued. As I learned more and more about the program I knew I wanted to go. Only 6 girls were selected out of 100 so my chances were slim but I knew I would be going. You have to understand something about me at this time. I was terrified of kids. I had never babysat. I didn't know what to say to kids, how to act around them so this was a strange internship for me to go on. When I told my family I had been accepted they were all surprised and I remember someone saying but you don't even like kids. I know and that was a fear I had always had. I wanted to be a mother and always wanted 4-8 kids but always wondered how I could when I didn't know how to interact with children. In Romania I was assigned to 10 infants. I would just hold them and play with them all day. There was no one in the orphanage except us so no one ever saw what I was doing. In the states I was always so worried if I was holding a child right or saying the right thing but in Romania no one was watching me, these kids had no parents so I was able to just love them. I had one little girl Dianna who was 18 months old, who when I got there could not sit or stand up and never smiled. I loved her so much and remember asking my parents to adopt her for me. By the time I left she was sitting up and jabbering and smiling. It really was a miracle. It was so hard to leave her. In the afternoon we'd go to an orphanage with elementary age kids and we'd teach them dance and just play. Before we left we had a little recital. It was so special. Going to Romania is what prepared me for motherhood and helped me get over my fear of children. Looking back, being a full-time missionary would have been an awesome experience one I still long for, but it would not have prepared me for what I needed most, the skills and confidence to be a mother, the greatest calling I will ever have. I know I would not be who am I today without that experience and I am thankful to the Lord for it. It's funny now because who's the one always watching every one's kids, me. When I tell people I never babysat growing up they are always amazed. Another experience that has changed my life is when Neil and I lived with and took care of his grandparents for 3 1/2 years. We always thought we would live there for 6 months until they got back on their feet but the Lord had another idea. It's funny how over time only the good times are remembered. I know it was hard being there but all we talk about are the fun memories. It was great when Grandpa Bahr was alive. Having the little boys around brought so much joy to him. He loved my cooking and enjoyed it so much. It was wonderful bringing so much happiness to his life during his last year. It was a privilege to get to know him better. It was also a great blessing to get to know all of Neil's uncles. We miss visiting with them. I can't wait to meet Grandma Bahr now that she has her mind back. I'm not sure what all we were supposed to learn from the experience but we were blessed greatly. As Neil and I served them it brought us closer together and brought out many qualities that were not there before as we tried to show love and kindness and patience to Grandma Bahr. Neil and I joke about how we've already served a 3 year service mission. The last experience I'd like to share is buying the house we now live in. We had the opportunity to live anywhere from Springville to Ogden. That's a huge area to find a home in. I remember being drawn to Layton because we could get a bigger and newer house in good neighborhoods for less than almost anywhere else and so I started looking in the Layton area. One Saturday we came up with Linda to look at houses. We had about 6 on our list. They all seemed nice but when we got to our current home it was better than all the rest and we could not believe it was in our price range. So after looking at it we left and talked about it and then came back and when I walked in the second time it felt like I was walking into my home and I knew this was the house we were going to get. At the time it was the house of our dreams. After living in a two bedroom basement for 3 years, I think almost anything would be a dream. We still love our house and are grateful for it but after living in it for awhile I wouldn't say it's my dream house. It's not the house but the experiences we've been able to have while we've been here. Neil and I've both grown tremendously with the calling we've been given but we've also just made some wonderful friends. It's nice to have people I know I can call on no matter what. I am just thankful for the many experiences I have had in my life. They've definitely made me a better person and I look forward to more.