Amy and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day and It's Only 11AM!

It all started when I woke up this morning with Sam snuggling beside me. It was too early to be getting up so I tried to go back to sleep and I actually did which meant I didn't wake back up until 7:50. Thirty minutes to get Conner ready for school, no biggie. I could hear Lucy screaming bloody murder in her crib and my heart started racing thinking she probably threw up again (Sam and Lucy had the stomach flu earlier in the week). I was really stinky and wanted to jump in the shower real quick before getting her; five more minutes in her crib wouldn't kill her. I always take a shower and get dressed first thing in the morning before I get the kids up but I had compassion on Lucy and threw on my mumu to check on her. Thank goodness no puke so I went to get all the boys out of their beds. They were all reading. Conner's library books were due today and I knew I should have found them last night but I was too tired so with Lucy clinging to me I searched all over the house and could only find one. I'm sure it got misplaced while I was gone and Neil promised to find it tonight. I tried to put Lucy down but she would just scream. She has been extremely needy lately when she wakes up. Along with her screaming Mikey and Sam were yelling and fighting with each other. I did not need all this screaming this morning. Five minutes before takeoff and the kids were still screaming and fighting. There's no way I'm walking to school with all these screaming kids so I told them to get in the van hoping that buckling them down would calm them down. Of course, in true Amy style, I could not find my keys or wallet so I quickly grabbed the spare van key and ran out the front door locking it behind me. I had parked the van in the driveway hoping the rain last night would wash off some of its filth. I got Conner to school on time and got back home to find the garage door locked as well as every other door and no key. Lately we've been sleeping with the windows open because it's been so cool out so I just knew a window would be open but just my luck my wonderful husband shut and locked all the windows to keep us safe last night. There was one window open and that was the bathroom window on the second floor. By this time the kids were whining because they wanted to go inside and play. The only way to get to the window was to climb on top of the patio roof which is not supported. Okay now I am scared to death of this kind of stuff. Every year Neil has me get on the roof to help with Christmas lights and I start to hyperventilate. Here I was by myself and I wanted to be superwoman and prove that I could do this. I was terrified but knew I had to be brave and strong for the kids so they wouldn't worry. I climbed the ladder all the way to the top and it was not quite high enough for me to climb on the roof. I was shaking and sweating so bad. I knew I was going to have to jump and propel myself onto the roof and hope I made it. I yelled at Sam to say a prayer that mommy would be safe and he did. I made it on top of the roof but it began to buckle a little under my weight. All I could think about was that the roof was going to detach from the house and collapse and crush the kids who were sitting so patiently underneath at their little picnic table. I yelled frantically for Sam and Mikey and Lucy to get on the grass. They obeyed and I began to inch my way to the window. I kept seeing my life flash before my eyes and kept thinking about my kids and how I can't leave them motherless. I made it to the window and stood up just to find out the window came to the top of my head. There was no way I could climb in the window. I inched my way back toward the ladder and had Sam get me one of their little chairs. This still didn't work. I was just not strong enough to lift myself up. It didn't help that I was trembling so I made my way back down. I left in such a hurry I didn't have my phone which rarely happens. Of all the mornings not to have my phone. Here I was frazzled, sweaty, stinky, wearing my bright turquoise mumu with embroidered flowers, braless, dragon breath, lopsided glasses from the kids stepping on them over a year ago and I never got fixed, uncombed hair and sandals. Whose house do I dare go to and allow to see me like this. First instinct was to drive all the way to Allison's to call Neil but with my luck she wouldn't be home so I sucked up my pride and went to the Norton's and Jen was awesome. It's great having great neighbors. I called Neil and quickly explained I was locked out of the house and to meet me in front of his work in 30 minutes. He was laughing so hard it didn't register I didn't have a phone. So we got back in the van and without my license I was paranoid about getting into a wreck or getting a ticket so I got into the car pool lane and put cruise control on 65. We made it down town in 30 minutes and waited outside Neil's work for 15 minutes with no sign of him. So I drove around thinking maybe he was at another entrance. Nope. Parked out front again. His work is secured and to open the doors you have to have a badge and I don't have one. I waited 5 more minutes. While I had been waiting I had seen a woman and several men leave. I knew I should jump out and ask them to get Neil but I didn't want anyone to see me in the state I was in. After 25 minutes of waiting I knew Neil wasn't coming out. Did he forget we were coming? I saw the previous woman returning to the building. Here was my chance. I jumped out of the van and sprinted yelling ma'am , ma'am! As the door began to close she peeked her head out, I'm sure thinking I was some crazed lunatic. I was so embarrassed. I asked her to please tell Neil we were out front. Neil came out laughing again because it hadn't registered in his mind that I didn't have my phone and he was waiting for my call. He thought we were quite a sight. The kids were starving because they hadn't really had a good breakfast. Neil came to the rescue and brought out 2 day old pizza and muffins and the kids were in heaven. I asked for some money because knowing my luck I'd run out of gas on the way home. I had finally stopped trembling and we made it home safely and now I can chuckle at the little mishap this morning. Kids still fighting nonstop but we're all safe and in our home! Phew! Sam was completely convinced that a sneaky little Leprechaun is who had locked us out of our house. What a nasty trick.