I am so excited for the new year! 2013 was pretty rough for me and Neil. I have just felt terrible for the longest time and I thought I was getting better but I am so tired again and I am not pregnant. Neil has had a heck of a time with his job and I hope this year brings changes or a better work environment.
I like the new year because it is a time to reflect and make changes. So two resolutions I hope to keep are to not yell. I want our home to be a home of love and peace. I have yelled way too much lately and I don't want my kids to look back on their childhood and their one memory of their mom be always yelling, especially about a messy house. I really want to let go of that. I have 5 kids, 5 little kids at that and the house is going to be messy if they are going to be able to play. There is more to life than a clean house and 20 years from now I will have a clean house but I think I can say I will not miss the messy house. I'll miss the kids, yes but not the messes. Anyway the other day we were late again for school and I lost it. Conner was the main culprit again for the 3rd time that week and I unleashed. The look on his face was heart breaking. You could tell that at that moment he felt like he was good for nothing. I had to stop and apologize that instant and tell him how wonderful he is and how we've got to work together to overcome this problem. No matter how I tried to smooth things over I could not take back the things I had said previously and the feeling he and everyone felt. I never want that to happen again. I want to lift my kids up, not bring them down. I want to help them overcome their weaknesses in a loving manner instead of belittling them. I blame it on being tired and overwhelmed but I can do better. I have to do better. I love my kids and I want them to love being around me. So I have made a deal with the kids. If I yell at anyone of them, the first person to bring it to my attention gets a dime. Now it may not seem like a lot but the amount of yelling that I was doing would have made me broke fast. It had just become a habit, the way to handle every little situation. Also my kids don't earn any money at the moment and so they are thrilled with a dime. I am 5 days into the New Year and I have not yelled once although there have been a couple times I really had to try hard. It's amazing how just telling myself and praying each morning for help has really changed my demeanor.
The next resolution I am making is to not get on the computer/social media until I have read the scriptures or studied the gospel. Our stake president time and time again has asked us to spend as much time in the scriptures as we do on social media and to spend time reading the scriptures before we get on the computer. Now I must say my scripture study fails in comparison to the amount of time I spend looking at blogs, facebook and reading articles or pretty much just wasting time on the computer. It's not all bad but a lot of it is a waste of time that I could be doing a lot more productive things with. You know sometimes I am only able to fit 5 maybe 10 minutes of time in the scriptures before I am too tired and need to take a nap yet that same evening I'll spend an hour or more checking up on my peeps. It's wrong I tell you and I know it and need to do better. You know what is pretty amazing though. I know it has only been 5 days but as I have studied for longer than normal in the morning and actually told the kids, you know what mom needs some quiet time right now to study the gospel, the desire to get on the computer has practically went away. I got on yesterday after I studied to check email and facebook and after a couple of minutes I was sick of scrolling through. I had other things to do and knew it. Not that checking up on friends is bad but if they are my real friend I shouldn't have to check in with them on facebook. I should talk to them. Anyway, these are two of my goals to become a better person in 2014. I sure hope I am successful for myself and for my families' sake.
For New Year's I talked our friend's the Blacks into putting on a New Year Eve's party at the church with us. They have all kinds of dj equipment and decorations and we did a lot the food. We had games, dancing, movies and food and socializing. It was a lot of fun. We had over 80 people show up. The kids had a blast with all their friends new and old. I hope we do it again next year.
Today I had the kids dress up in a similar color scheme so I had to get a picture. Thanks to having 9 o'clock church, I was able to take a nap and update my blog. Another reason 2014 is going to be a great year. We also sat and watched a bunch of old videos and photos today. The classic was the happy birthday one to nana where there were 17 takes and it ends up with me yelling at the kids. We were rolling. It was so funny because Conner was only 3, Sam was 2 and Mikey 1 and I expected perfection. Boy has my expectations changed. I loved spending times with the kids reminiscing.
Lucy's 1st Sunday as a sunbeam and I don't think that girl could be more excited. Being as she turns 4 in 3 weeks she is ready. In our primary, the kids have an incentive to bring their scriptures each week and so I made Lucy her own scripture bag last night and put her scriptures in it so she could participate. She was so proud of that bag and I am so proud of her!
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