And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.
I love it because I know one day I will be able to be outgoing and it will be easy. It will become a strength. I've got a long ways to go but I know it is possible.
In Relief Society our lesson was from Teachings of President Fielding Smith on the Plan of Salvation. Between keeping Eliza content and running out of hearing aid batteries (not being able to hear) I did not hear most of the lesson but I did hear about a part of enduring to the end and when I think of enduring to the end I always think of Grandma and Grandpa Bahr. They truly endured well. I'll never forget the day Grandpa Bahr died. I left to go grocery shopping and he was sitting in his recliner waiting for Don to take him to Golden Corral for a meeting. He was in a great mood as he usually was. I told him goodbye and that I'd be back soon and he told me to stay out of trouble and I told him he better as well and that was our last exchange. I had no idea in a few hours he would have a heart attack and die. I always wonder if he had any idea that that day would be his last on this earth. I remember Vonda calling the home phone and telling me that Grandpa was at the ER and they were not able to get his heart to beat or him to breath on his own. I asked if that meant he was dead and she said she wasn't sure. As sisters made comments about enduring I thought of Grandma Bahr and how she never knew who I was because of Alzheimer's. For 3 1/2 years I lived with her, yet she never knew. If I said Amy, Neil's wife, she would recognize Neil's name but not mine but that was enough for her. We talked about the resurrection and how we will all return to a perfect state and I look forward to that time when she will know me and will have her mind back. It was always so nice to read the letters and journals she had diligently kept her whole life to be able to get a glimpse at the wonderful woman she was. That time seems so long ago and it's weird that no one here knows the Amy from back then. I was a different person. I was changed. Service will do that to you. I think that's why I've been in a little slump for awhile. I went from giving service 24/7 to almost nothing, except to my family. A part of me was lost and kind of forgotten in our move and I want to reclaim that person. I can't serve on such a grand scale but I need to do more.
I've also been thinking how I never recorded our time living with the Bahrs. That important part of my past is missing. I am terrible at journal writing and that is why I am thankful for this blog. It is at least something. Neil and I would stay up laughing at all the funny antics that took place on a daily basis. We always said we could write a pretty funny sitcom based on our daily life of living with someone with Alzheimer's. So I need to record my life better and I'm hoping that each Sunday I will write at least one memory from my past. It's so hard to even start but I've got to start somewhere. I think I'll start a new page for these stories and memories.
Another thing I've been thinking about is food and how the cost of food has went up over the years and it's making me crazy. When Neil and I were first married with no kids I spent between $150-$200 a month on food. I remember teaching budgeting at Park City High and when I told them I spent $150 a month on food the tutor's mouth dropped open and could not get over it. Then when we moved to the Bahr's with 2-3 toddlers and 4 adults I spent about $500 but I tried to cook really nice things for them and always felt like I was splurging. When we moved to Layton, I started couponing and spent $250-$300 a month. I no longer coupon because it just took too much time and we eat different now. I buy a ton of produce and over the last 6 months have spent an average of $450-$500 a month. That's $200 more than I was spending 2 years ago. The USDA estimates that on a thrifty plan with the age and size of my family I should be spending about $1100 a month so that makes me feel a little better but that's crazy. I'd like to know what a family of 7 is eating for $1100 a month. I was getting pretty worked up this weekend because I need to cut back somewhere to pay for Lucy's preschool next year but I just can't take it from the food budget like I thought. Food is just more expensive and the boys eat a lot and it's beginning to show. All three are starting to fill out a little. Sam is the worst. He eats nonstop and is always hungry. They eat more than Neil and I. For instance tonight I made a delicious ham dinner. I made 5 lbs. of mashed potatoes thinking I'd have enough for another meal this week but there was just one little scoop left for Neil's lunch tomorrow. Sam would have eaten it if I wouldn't have stopped him. Along with all the potatoes they had 3 helpings of ham, corn and 3-4 rolls each. When I make hamburgers and hotdogs Sam and Conner each eat one hamburger and two hotdogs. They eat two sandwiches for lunch. Anyway I am just amazed at the amount of food they eat. I just can't get over how much it costs because I feel like I am pretty frugal and that I make well-balanced, nutritious from scratch meals so it should be cheaper but it's not. I feel like I should get a part-time job just to feed these growing boys. I'm glad that there's only 3 of them.
I got to use two of my favorite kitchen gadgets today. My scale for the rolls and digital probe thermometer for the ham. Here is my OCB for the day. I made 48 rolls so I'd have some for sandwiches and another meal later this week but they are never exactly the same size and it drives me crazy so I had Neil weigh each ball out to make sure it was exactly 1.3 oz (and he was so willing to oblige) and they came out perfect.
This pan of rolls just makes me happy.
When I went shopping on Saturday Kent's had strawberries and blueberries for $1 so I had to get a couple and had it in my mind to make a fruit pizza with them. Oh boy it was so good. The kids just wanted to throw the fruit on top and gobble it up but I had to teach them patience by making them decorate it beautifully. They all admitted they had an even stronger desire to eat it because it was so pretty and I guarantee it tasted even better too.
The kids have been reading the Friend magazines during sacrament meeting lately and every Sunday they get all excited about making something from it. For lunch Conner made blinis from this month's Friend. They looked like crepes. Since Neil and I were fasting we didn't get to try them but Sam and Conner sure loved them smothered with jam or Nutella.
1 comment:
we spend a ton on food. sigh. I'm trying to give up worrying about it and just pray that the Lord will provide.
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