Summer Time Blues

I just can't seem to get my groove this summer.  I was so ready for school to be out to finally not have to be running like crazy and maybe finally catch a breath but yet I was not ready for the summer to start.  I usually have the summer planned out what we are going to do each week and the kids make a summer fun list but none of that has happened yet.  I'm so used to just go, go, go that I'm feeling so guilty that we haven't done much yet but the kids seem happy just being home, sleeping in and being lazy that I shouldn't care if they don't right.  I think alot of it has to do with burn out.  I've basically been a single mom for the last 3 months because Neil has been so tied up with late nights at his job, always gone with his church calling and any leftover time has been devoted to this statistics class (which we both curse) that he just has not been around to help out at all.  He finally finished the class this past Thursday but had to work late on Friday to make up work so at 11 o'clock I called to say good night and he said he was so ready to clean because he hasn't been able to help for so long and so I told him it's all his and left the table and kitchen a mess and the whole house.  Saturday, with him finally home I said I really needed to run some errands and don't know when I'll be back.  I was gone for 5 hours and came home to a clean house and happy kids.  Everybody is so happy for daddy to be back.  This one little class opened our eyes to what to expect when Neil finally does go back to school to get his graduate degree.  I think we may just have to move back to be closer to my family so I have some support.  There are some great schools in Georgia you know.

Well the first week of summer Conner got the great idea to sort all their legos by color so they rounded up about 25 different containers and spent the whole week sorting them.  They were in the zone and so content.  Once they were all sorted they started to build their old sets and they've been playing with them since.  It was so great.  I had to pry them away to go to the zoo.  Of course they loved it when they got there.  There favorite part is getting soaked at the splash pad.

 Sam is always posing.

And Mikey always has a mean face.  

We all had a great time but throughout the day Lucy kept running off without telling me.  Luckily I'd always realize she was gone pretty quickly.  She just doesn't think.  She sees something she likes and runs off no matter how many times I tell her it's okay to look at things but you need to let me know and then we can all go together.  Anyway it was finally time to go.  We had all gotten our fill and I made sure I had everyone and like a mother duck I was pushing Eliza in the stroller and I checked to make sure everyone was behind me and we were on our way.  We had taken about 30 steps and I look behind me to make sure everyone is still with me and Lucy is gone.  I asked the boys if they saw her take off and no one did.  We started searching with no luck and Conner suggested splitting up.  Yeah right.  I just lost one kid I'm not going to lose the rest of you.  I found a nice family resting in the shade and asked if the boys could sit with them while I looked and they agreed.  It had been about 10 minutes now and I really was about to lose it thinking someone really did snatch her and was doing terrible things to her.  Another 5 minutes go by and I am searching for an employee to ask and there is no one in sight.  I finally find a vendor and ask about their protocol for lost children and she radios someone and security had Lucy at the entrance to the zoo.  She was at the opposite end of the zoo.  How in the world she got there I have no clue.  I was so thankful she was safe and gathered up the other kids and we made our trek across the park.  When I saw her she was standing by the security guard with her arms folded looking so defiant.  She is such a tough and stubborn little girl but when she finally saw me she ran to me and buried her head into me and sobbed.  It broke my heart.  She was trying to be so tough and brave but inside I'm sure she was really scared.  The security guard said she would hardly talk.  All they could get out of her was her name.  We implemented the buddy system where everyone had to hold someone's hand out to the car but she hated that.  When we finally got into the car I just sobbed.  The thought of something happening to one of my kids on my watch is heart wrenching.  I just realized then that at this time in my life I just can't take all 5 kids out by myself to a big open or busy place.  This just happens too often with Lucy and with Eliza now mobile and not ever sitting still I just can't keep my eyes on everyone.  So this has kind of been a bummer.  Last year we went to Seven Peaks at least twice a week and we just barely went on Saturday for the first time because Neil could go and what do you know, Lucy ran off again and we couldn't find her for awhile.  Even with the two of us we couldn't keep track of everyone and little ones and water don't mix.  Especially at Seven Peaks where there are so few life guards.  I had to stay with Eliza and Neil had the other four but with Lucy it's impossible.  Eliza was freezing and so her and I went and changed and I watched Lucy.  She wanted to go in the wave pool and I said that's fine but she had to stay in the shallow end because she didn't have a life jacket on.  The waves were on and before I knew it she was up to her chest and she was still headed even deeper.  I started yelling for her to come back but she doesn't listen.  I had to leave Eliza and run in after her getting soaked all over again.  I was so done and we packed up and left.  We've decided next time, I'm staying home with the girls.  It was a nightmare and both Neil and I were on pins and needles the whole time.  What was supposed to be a fun family night together was just plain stressful.  I just don't know what to do with Lucy.  She doesn't listen and is so stubborn.  I have tried all kinds of things as discipline but nothing has worked so far.  

So with the dynamics of our family right now we just can't do a whole lot unless Neil is with us but his time is very limited.  Conner is dying to go ice skating and I keep telling him I can't take them all by myself.  No one has ice skated before except him so I have to be on the ice and so what am I to do with Eliza.  We will go before the summer is over but we have to go as a family.

The second week of summer we had Jaxson and Presley, which was just crazy.  With there being 8 people and only 7 seat belts, we were stuck at the house the whole week.  The kids got along great and there was very little fighting.  It was just really loud and everyone was obnoxious.  The rowdiness just never died down, even after 5 days.  Neil was gone at a camp so I was solo, which didn't help matters.  

Our cooking adventures have been a huge success.  The kids definitely feel empowered and successful.  They love it.  Sam was saying he just really likes to cook and in case his wife isn't a very good cooker, it'll be okay because he'll be able too.  After we've eaten their meal they'll always ask how everyone liked it and everyone is quick to give high remarks.  Sam has made alfredo for us twice now and Mikey learned to make quesadillas on the griddle and has done so twice now.  Conner has made chicken pillows once and is due up again this week.  Now chicken pillows is a pretty demanding meal because we cook the chicken and make our bread dough ourselves but Conner was up to the challenge and loved every minute of it.  At least I feel success in this aspect of summer.

I am so excited to go to Georgia and have several more eyes and hands to watch these little munchkins.  So far the kids have spent their summer playing legos, jumping on the trampoline, riding bikes, reading and watching a little more television than I would like but oh well.  Our lesson in Relief Society on Sunday was on sisterhood and one of the older sisters raised her hand and commented how sorry she truly felt for the younger sisters and mothers now a days.  She said that with all this social media stuff (facebook, blogs, pinterest) that we are in to that we are putting so much pressure on ourselves to do all this stuff that we see others do and it's disheartening.  She said she has a daughter that hates the outdoors, always has, but yet she took her 7 kids on this huge hike and then posted all these pictures on facebook or whatever and her mom is like what are you doing?  You hate this.  Are you doing it just to brag or show that you're a good mom?  She doesn't get it and she feels bad for us.  She said in her day you could sit home all day and no one cared.  As I watched the sisters' faces, there were a lot of tears because I'm sure they are feeling the pressure, as am I. 

So I'm trying to convince myself it is okay to not be busy this summer.  We are going to Georgia and that will be the highlight.  We're trying to save all our money for that so it does limit what we can do.  The thought of dragging all the kids somewhere and keeping up with them is motivation to stay home.  I just had a lot of plans to deep clean and go through stuff and hopefully have a garage sale but I haven't gotten around to it yet.  Hopefully with Neil's support we can get to some of this stuff.  We make a great team working together.  

Eliza is as cute as can be but she is on the go and never slow.  She started solely walking the end of May and she's been able to go up and down the stairs for awhile now and so she is everywhere.  As long as the bathroom doors are shut we are good.  I call her my infinite tornado because she will destroy a room in a matter of minutes and it is constant.  We all just love our little E.  She just makes my day, every day.